An Inquiry into Emma's Psyche - A CS Post-ep for Ariel
by LizaCameron
Summary: Emma and Hook have a revealing conversation after the confessions of Echo Cave. A canon-divergent post-ep for Ariel. Captain Swan.


AN: This is for my lovely CSSS, Alessandra aka Killianswench! I took this part of our conversation and turned it into a prompt:

 _I love the bit in the Echo Caves when he spills out his darkest secret and Emma is about to talk to him but Snow speaks and so we'll never know what Emma wanted to say to Hook jfc I think about this on a daily basis. – Ale_

xXx

For about the tenth time in as many minutes, Emma wondered where Hook was. When she and Neal had entered the camp after their tete-e-tete, Hook's absence was the first thing she'd noticed.

They'd decided to eat and then regroup on their next move to find Henry. So for the moment, Emma's mind was relatively at peace when it came to the mission to Save Henry. They finally had a plan and everything seemed to be coming together. So in the lull of worrying about the thing that had been consuming her for days, her mind kept circling back to the events of the day.

Casually, she'd asked her parents where he was, but the tension that had been brewing between them since the confessions in the Echo Cave had erupted into Mary Margaret giving David the full-fledged silent treatment so both were too preoccupied to give her a helpful answer. "I think he went that way," her mother paused long enough to point. "For water maybe," she added as she went back to looking through their small store of food and pointedly ignored her husband.

Neal, apparently wanting to appear useful to Emma's preoccupied parents, was tending the fire and Emma took advantage of his attention being elsewhere to slip away. She would just walk in the direction that her mother had pointed and if she ran into Hook, so be it. If not, she'd refill her own canteen. She wasn't sure what she was doing, or why, only that after the emotional upheaval of the confessions her mind kept returning to Hook and his secret. Also, if she was honest with herself, she was curious. Curious if he'd heard her confession. She found herself hoping he had. Perhaps it was her innate sense of justice. She'd certainly heard his secret; it was only fair he knew hers.

Or something.

It hadn't taken Emma long to find him. Without really wondering why, she knew he would be within shouting distance so there was a limited area to search in the chosen direction. She slowed when she saw him, but didn't give herself a chance to think about what she was doing or why she was doing it. Instead, she cleared her throat and with a confidence, she didn't necessarily feel, said, "There you are..."

At the sound of her voice, Hook looked up from where he was staring out over the lagoon. When they'd returned from the cave, it'd seemed like removing himself from the situation for a bit had been best. It would be a lie, though, to say he also hadn't wanted some privacy to drown his sorrows in some rum. He had done the right thing in helping Emma rescue Balefire, but that didn't mean it had been easy.

"Swan..." He said her name slowly, but surprise tinged his voice and he stiffened. He certainly hadn't expected to see her here. With a practiced move, he recorked the flask with one hand and slipped it into one of the capacious inner pockets of his coat. He turned towards her and sighed as he asked, "What are you doing here?"

Taken aback by his pointed, and not quite inviting, question, Emma halted her progress towards him. He watched as an almost imperceptible change came over her, as if invisible shields were being raised.

Before she had a chance to speak, or turn and leave, he gave a small shake of his head and said, "My apologies, where are my manners? What do I owe the pleasure of you seeking me out this evening? I thought you would still be enjoying your reunion with Baelfire."

Understanding flitted across Emma's features; of course, that's what he would assume. Perhaps she had her answer. He had not heard her confession in the Echo Caves. "That's... uh..." she searched for words to tell him, to explain her confession, but none came to her. She wasn't even sure why she wanted him to know. It's not as though she owed him any explanation. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

He'd been slowly moving towards her, smoothly avoiding or pushing aside any errant bits of foliage that impeded his path. He stopped just a foot or so away from her, feeling suddenly much more intrigued. He raised his brow quizzically. "Indeed?"

"Yes." She nodded a bit more vigorously than necessary. She felt warm, overheated really, but she wasn't sure if that was due to the sultry Neverland climate or her proximity to the pirate. "Indeed," she repeated lamely.

Hook cocked his head curiously, but otherwise he appeared comfortable. Meanwhile, Emma wiped sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand. He looked cool, how did he always appear cool while wearing all that leather on this godforsaken magical island?

Emma searched for the words to ask him or to reassure him or to... frankly, she wasn't sure what she was doing and really didn't want to think too much about it, so instead of addressing the real reason she had sought him out, she blurted, "Should we walk and talk?"

"Walk and talk?" Hook repeated, clearly not understanding.

"Yeah, the mission, remember? We need to let Tinker Bell know that we have a way off the island."

Hook smiled knowingly at her. You could always count on Emma to remain on task; it's one of the things he really... liked about her. Looking a tad self-satisfied, he bowed his head slightly and replied, "No need to trouble yourself, love. Mission accomplished."

Expecting that he would acquiesce and they would set off together through the jungle to find the fairy, she'd turned to leave, but his stopped her in her tracks and she turned back. "It's already accomplished?"

"Aye. Seeing as Lady Bell's intelligence on Pan's camp is of paramount importance to finding your boy, I thought she should be informed that we've found a way off the island as soon as possible. I was just there; she is preparing a few things and will meet us back at our camp later this evening."

"Oh," Emma met his gaze and felt her breathing hitch. Emma thought she should be surprised that he'd already taken it upon himself to alert the fairy, but she wasn't. He had been making himself surprisingly useful since the moment they got to Neverland. "Well, that... is... good. Good," she reiterated with a pronounced nod of her head. "I guess the plan is coming together."

"Of course it is." It was impossible to hide the genuine affection he felt for her and the high regard in which he held her, so he didn't attempt it. Why should he? She knew his deepest, darkest secret already. "You'll find your boy, Emma, and then we'll all return home. Now, it seems it's unnecessary for us to do the walking part of your request, shall we proceed to the talking?"

Emma didn't respond immediately, truth was, she was so dumbstruck by his speech that she hadn't followed it to the end. "Wait," she finally responded, "what?"

"You asked me if I wanted to walk and talk," he replied matter-of-factly. "The walking seems to have been rendered unnecessary, so that leaves us with talking."

Emma felt her neck pulse, as the blood ran hot through her veins. What was she doing? "I uh..." she searched for words to express what she wanted to say and how she wanted to say it. "The talking was about... I… uh… wanted to thank you."

A knowing smile crossed Hook's face and he took a slight step forward, which was more of a sway into her. With a raised eyebrow he studied her intently before saying, "Again? Well I do like your way of thanking me, love. So all displays of gratitude will be eagerly received," his smile turned wolfish and he winked at her before adding, "And returned."

Emma stood her ground, despite how off-kilter his overwhelming nearness was making her feel. Not to mention how off-kilter the recollection of the last time she thanked him was making her feel. The memory came back to her in a rush, the soft pressure of his lips on hers, the way his hand had threaded into her hair and the gentle pressure of his hook on her back, it had been the one moment she'd allowed to be just about what she wanted since arriving in Neverland.

Now, standing before him, alone, the memory, and his proximity, made her heart beat irregularly and she found she had goosebumps despite the oppressive heat that surrounded them. She managed to put a hand out, as if to stop his non-existent advance. He may talk a good game, but she noticed that he always waited for her cue, it was a welcome change from most of the men she'd dealt with her entire life. In a voice that sounded more steady and more authoritative than she felt, she said, "Easy there tiger. One-time thing, remember?"

Hook bowed slightly and said, "As you wish," but his wolfish expression remained. "However, I remain at your service should you amend your position on that point."

Emma couldn't stop the quirk of her lips, but then felt a sort of stubborn panic come over her. What was she doing? What was she trying to accomplish seeking out the pirate that both managed to settle and unsettle her with every interaction? Did it matter if he'd heard her confession to Neal in the cave? Her inner voice yelled at her to retreat, so feeling dazed she turned to leave. However she only made it one step away before he spoke.

"Or, in lieu of our traditional form of gratitude, you could grant me one question." One would have to know Killian Jones very well to pick up the pleading note in his otherwise confident, suave voice.

What it said about Emma that she did notice it was something she didn't contemplate, but she did and she stopped. Feeling curious, but feigning suspicion, she turned back, studying him carefully through narrowed eyes in the ever-present twilight of the island. "What do you have in mind?"

Hook shrugged nonchalantly, even though if he was being honest he was suddenly feeling anything but. "An inquiry into your psyche."

"Into my psyche?" Emma stiffened. It sounded like something a caseworker once tried to do. However, as she met his gaze, something she saw there took her off her guard. He appeared almost as vulnerable as she felt. "O... kay," Emma replied as she finally acquiesced.

Hook studied her carefully, he had no desire to hide or obfuscate his own feelings, but he knew she was not nearly as open. He felt as if he was walking a high wire, balancing his own curiosity with the desire not to spook her. He looked at her kindly, the bravado of moments before now vanished. In a gentle voice he asked, "In the cave, after I revealed my deepest secret, I believe you were going to speak. To say something to me. What was it?"

As soon as the question was out there, everything around them fell silent. Or at least it did for Emma. In reality unseen insects still chirped, the water in the lagoon still lapped at the shore, and the general hum of the island continued unabated, but Emma couldn't hear it. It was as if she was in a bubble and the only thing audible were the echo of his words.

Of all the things he might ask, it had never occurred to her that he would bring that moment up so directly. Frankly, she had expected him to ask what her deepest, darkest secret had been. Had been so sure of it, that it was the reason why she agreed to the question in the first place. She wanted to feel surprised that he'd even noticed she was going to speak to him after his confession, but when it came to her, he always noticed. She swallowed roughly and thought back to that moment. What had she been about to say to him? What could anyone possibly say to another after such a confession? Finally, and in all honesty, she muttered, "I don't know."

A look of disappointment crossed his face. "I see." He flashed her a bittersweet smile and motioned with his hook in the direction of their camp. "You should be getting back to your family." Then he turned back to face the water.

"You're not coming?" Emma wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed that he'd accepted that answer so easily.

"I will join you presently."

Emma knew she should leave and go back to camp, she wanted to leave; however, she couldn't. For reasons Emma didn't want to confront, it felt as if her heart was physically twisting in her chest. She wasn't sure why it was so important to her what this man thought, but she knew she did not like that her words were responsible for the cloud that had stolen over his demeanor.

"Hook," she said as she reached out and put her hand on the arm of his leather coat. It was so soft underneath her touch and it once again reminded her of how she had gripped it and pulled him towards her before kissing him senseless the night before. Was that only yesterday? "I… don't know what I was going to say, that's the truth. But I… I guess I do know what I was thinking..."

What in the hell was she doing? She didn't do this. Whatever this was. She didn't have relationships, she didn't cultivate friends. She didn't allow distractions. She walked away when things got too much, and she certainly didn't give the time of day to men just trying to get her into bed.

Maybe that was it? His Echo Cave confession proved that that was not what this was about for him, didn't it? The cave wouldn't have worked if he'd been lying. He wasn't just here, helping her, for sex. Which if she was honest was something she'd wondered more than once since the moment he returned and offered his ships and his services. In her experience, people didn't just do things for other people unless they had a selfish motive. However, she had to admit that as his motive was a stretch, guys who looked like he did, didn't need to risk their lives repeatedly just to get a woman into bed.

At her offer to tell him what she'd thought during his confession, Hook had slowly turned back around and now his gaze drilled into hers. He was afraid to speak; afraid to break whatever spell had turned the usually ready-to-retreat, prickly Emma, into someone willing to reveal a part of herself.

Her hands felt damp, she rubbed them nervously on her pants, but frankly nothing had been truly dry since she'd stepped foot on the island so it didn't help much. Taking a deep breath, she thought about what she was going to say, then thought better of it and finally blurted, "How long have you been a pirate?"

That hadn't been what he'd expected her to say. At all. "That's what you were reflecting on in Echo Cave? You were curious about my extensive and storied career?"

"No," Emma replied honestly. "Actually I wondered how long it had been… you said, you didn't think it would be possible to move on from your first love…" she trailed off, leaving the 'until you met me' part left unsaid. "How long did it take you before you met… _someone_ that made you feel like you could move on from your first love?"

"Over a hundred years." Hook wondered where she was going with this, but was admittedly intrigued.

"So it's kind of a big deal."

Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Hook actually emitted a light chuckled at that. For most people a conversation of this nature would be uncomfortable, but that's not how he was feeling at the moment, there was a part of him that was elated that she was even willing to talk to him after his confession. Besides he had already done the arduous part, his heart was laid bare, or more accurately his heart now lay in her hands, there was little else for him to reveal. "Yes, Swan, it was 'kind of a big deal,' hence why it was a dashing pirate's—a dashing pirate, with a dastardly reputation, no less- deepest, darkest secret."

She could feel a buzz in the air, or more accurately, in her. It felt like there was electricity just below the surface of her skin, zipping and zapping and making the hairs of her arm stand on end. She stood, rooted to the spot, feeling hypnotized by the surreal situation. Was she really in Neverland talking with Captain Hook about how his deepest darkest secret was having feelings for her? Finally, she swallowed roughly once again and glanced away, trying to break the intense connection. "It was only a decade for me."

At that, the pirate's eyebrows shot up, but he said nothing. Still wary of doing anything to disrupt her train of though.

For what seemed like the hundredth time, she wondered what she was doing. What was it about this guy that got her to say more than she intended? Every time she looked into his eyes, she couldn't shake the feeling that perhaps he had a key to a door deep in her soul that no one else knew existed. "You never thought you could get over your first love. Well, I didn't think I would ever get over mine, over the pain."

Hook winced, however it wasn't because of the memory of the pain he'd felt earlier watching Balefire and Emma reunite, no; it was empathy for the pain he could hear in her voice now.

Emma shrugged, trying to appear casual. "Maybe your secret influenced mine." After a pause in which his eyes didn't leave hers, she blurted, "My secret was that I had hoped Neal was dead. When you first told me he might be alive, I hoped it wasn't true."

Hook was stunned. Earlier, he'd thought he was watching a happy reunion between lovers; clearly, his instinct was way off this time. He shook his head and murmured, "I had no idea."

She shrugged. "Of course, no one does. Well, actually, that's not true. Neal knows. At least he does now, since I had to confess it to him. It was horrible, and I'm not proud of it, but it is the truth. So there you go. I answered your question." She took a deep breath and rewarded him with a small smile before saying, "Shall we go back to camp?"

"Of course we can go back to camp if you wish, and I'm gratified with what you've shared with me." Hook returned her smile, but he had a knowing and indulgent twinkle in his eye. "So much so, that I don't mind that you avoided my query entirely."

Emma's demeanor changed immediately. Her back stiffened and her eyes went wide as she exclaimed indignantly, "I did not!"

Hooking his thumb over his belt buckle, he canted his head and leveled a knowing look at her. "I inquired what you were going to say to me after my confession, not what your confession was, however, as I said-"

Emma's temper was a thing to behold, and at his words she fired up and without allowing her a moment to think better of it, she interrupted him. "Fine, I liked it!"

The second the words were out of her mouth, Emma's momentary anger abated and she felt a bit stunned. Yet again, she found herself revealing part of herself to him without really intending to. Their eyes met and held for a long moment, the Neverland jungle that surrounded them almost seem to recede and it was just them. Hook's gaze flickered between her eyes and her lips and unconsciously she licked her bottom lip and then caught it gently between her teeth. Finally Hook spoke, "The kiss?"

Emma's gaze unconsciously found his lips, and stayed there, focusing on them almost as if she was unable to look anywhere else. Finally, what he said registered and she shook her head in befuddlement. "What? No.. no."

However, Hook was acutely aware of exactly where her eyes had been focused and he couldn't suppress a smug grin. "You liked our kiss," he said poking the side of his cheek with his distracting tongue. "So what you were thinking in the Echo Cave is that you take delight in kissing me."

"That's ridiculous." Her expression twisted into an almost comical, self-conscious grimace.

"It's not. You do remember that I was the other participant in the kiss."

She rolled her eyes in half-feigned, half-real exasperation, but grudgingly admitted, "I suppose I didn't hate it, but that's not what I meant."

Hook tamped down his natural impulse to make a joke, offer a one-liner about how, of course, she liked it... after all none of his former female companions had ever complained. Instead, he stood still, not willing to break whatever spell she was under that was making her so forthcoming. "What did you mean, then?"

Emma turned from him and shrugged in resignation. She bit her lip, before admitting, "That I liked... what you said. I was flattered. It made me feel... good."

He took a moment to process her words. Emma Swan liking his confession was certainly a step in the right direction. Or so it seemed. He opened his mouth to speak, but he wasn't sure what to say, so instead he grinned.

"Wait." Emma held up her hand when she saw the smile spreading across his face. "Because the other thing I thought is that I'm truly sorry I'm going to hurt you."

"Who says you're going to hurt me?" Hook replied quickly, feeling more hopeful than he had since his fateful conversation with Pan.

"I'm incapable of doing anything else," she replied before she could stop herself. Her eyes became saucers after the words left her mouth. It was something she knew as truth, but she certainly hadn't meant to admit it to another person.

"Emma..." Hook began, not sure what he was going to say.

"If what you said in the Echo Cave was true-"

"It was." Hook's voice was unequivocal.

"Then I'm... so going to hurt you. This..." she motioned between them and then just shook her head, as if unable to finish her thought.

"So you admit there's a 'this,'" Hook mimicked the way she'd motioned between them and then when she glared at him, he became serious again. "I'm not worried about getting hurt, love."

"Maybe you're not, but I really don't want to break your heart."

He lifted a brow at that. "My heart would be honored, Swan. However, I believe you are capable of a great deal more than you give yourself credit for."

She rolled her eyes, not certain if he was making fun of her, trying to lighten the conversation or being deadly serious. The thing that scared her was that she was 99% sure he was being deadly serious. "So we understand each other, on this island, there is no 'this.' With anyone. All I care about is getting my son back-"

"As it should be," he interjected with a smile. A genuine, happy smile. She had sought him out, made sure he knew that she was not with Neal, and admitted that she liked his confession and didn't hate their kiss. All things that seemed to be positive developments and he was nothing if not a patient man.

"-Henry isn't just my top priority, he's my only priority," she continued as if he hadn't spoken. However, when his words registered, she looked back up and met his eye. "What did you say?"

"Of course Henry is your priority, as he should be," Hook moved to the side and then held his arm out, gesturing for her to lead the way. "Which is why we should return to camp so we're prepared when Tinker Bell arrives."

"You're okay with that? With there being no 'this?'" Emma asked incredulously, as she motioned between them one last time.

"Aye," Hook replied and then put his hook gently to the small of her back in order to nudge her towards the path back to camp. "For the moment, I am quite content to focus on helping you save Henry. The offer of my ship and my services remains intact."

They walked in silence for several long moments, Emma not sure what to make of their conversation. The fact that there appeared to be no strings attached to his help was a novel idea to her. Most people wanted something in return. "And the kiss is still a one-time thing," Emma finally said with more conviction than she felt.

Behind her, where she couldn't see, a huge smile spread across Hook's face. "A one-time thing that you enjoyed immensely."

"A one-time thing that I didn't hate," she amended with a smile she couldn't suppress. She glanced back to make sure he was still following her, he noticed she did that often.

"I'll take it," Hook replied sounding pleased as he followed her through the jungle towards the next phase of their adventure. He had a feeling this wouldn't be the last place he would follow her, not by a long shot.


End file.
